I Work with Stressed Out Professional Women | Licensed in Massachusetts

Rachel C. Sykes, LMHC, LLC
Rachel@rachelcsykes.com

Over the years, I have picked up a lot of preconceived notions about therapy buzzwords and pop psychology concepts. You, too? Some of them seem ungrounded, meaning there does not seem to be much evidence to support them. Upon honest reflection, perhaps I am being a little laaazzzyyy and not actually looking for the evidence. Some of these concepts just seem cheesy and too good to be true. I guess I am a little cynical. With great reluctance, I acknowledge that some of these cheesy, too-good-to-be-true concepts are actually valuable and I have seen them help out my clients. One idea that deserves my apology for being so judgy is “being in the present moment”.

I have heard it said that depression is about being stuck thinking about the past and anxiety is about being stuck thinking about the future (in fact, I have heard that this is attributed to Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu but I can't verify that with any certainty). I’ll bet that some folks would take issues with that broad characterization but, for many people, this feels just about right.

Stuck in the past I have heard people speak of the great things of the past -- fun times as a teenager or during your 20s. Fun stories about going out after school/work with your friends, going to the beach, maybe dancing, getting a little drunk, hearing your favorite bands play. Perhaps having some one-on-one time with your crush. Are you feeling a little nostalgic? Sometimes we miss our innocence: before we had to be real adults that work in jobs they don’t like and stay up all night with sick children or in the emergency room with an elderly parent.

Stuck in the past

On the flip side, sometimes individuals feel stuck on negative experiences that have already happened. Regrets: a situation that you wish you could “re-do”, and it plays over and over again in your head. Sometimes it is about lost opportunities, memories of cruel bullying, or thoughts of feeling unloved. Maybe it’s about loss -- loss of your hopes, ideals, or loved ones. I don’t want to over-simplify depression. I am just saying that, often, I have noticed that many depressed clients spend a lot of time dwelling on the past. They tend to feel increasingly worse about themselves or about the state of the world. It does not help.

Worried about the future While it’s not fun, stress or worry is pretty normal. It can be your mind’s way of getting your attention. My brain is like “Hey, pay attention! Something is going on and you need to do something about it!”. To the extent that this kind of stress prompts you to take action; it’s actually like an annoying alarm clock. I hate it at the time, but it does the trick. Anxiety is a more formal, clinical term that indicates that the worry is disproportionate and actually really interferes with your ability to function--at work, school, home or in relationships. Some folks who feel anxious have this internal dialogue: “What if I go out and something bad happens? What if I apply for this dream job and they turn me down? What if…?”

Work Stress

Again, sometimes these “what ifs” are reasonable fears and might actually serve to keep us safe from harm. “What if I drive home from the bar now with a little buzz on (aka: wasted) and I get in an accident or get arrested for DUI?” If that keeps you safe and helps you prevent similar bad choices in the future, then it’s a job well done. But that’s not anxiety. I am talking about excessive worry about things that may never happen, and the pressure is so strong it interferes with your ability to live your life.

What’s left? The now?

Yes, if you spend too much unhelpful time mentally stuck in the past and when you try to look forward, you go to a 10 on the worry scale, would you perhaps consider the “now”? What if your “now” consists of being in a warm place with some decent food and beverage options, maybe sitting comfortably on the couch. I realize not everyone has this, although I wish they did. I am also not telling you that your problems and feelings don’t matter. I am saying that if you can find a way to be aware of and connected to your immediate environment, it can give you a break from the past and future, even if for a short time.

Works for me

When the world was starting to end covid restrictions and the masks were starting to come off, I had a period of about a month where I would wake up feeling EXTREMELY unmotivated, unrested even after a lot of sleep, and I found myself stuck in my own thoughts – crappy ones. Getting aggravated with other people, imagining that I knew their reasoning (aka: mind reading). Thankfully, I was not suicidal. I was just feeling incredibly shitty. I guess I got a glimpse of what some of my clients experience, although, to be truthful, some folks feel a lot worse than this. But it was, at least, a real, personal glimpse. I decided to try one of my handy-dandy therapy interventions and did some “present moment” activities. And it helped. I shushed up the miserable thoughts that were making me feel worse and I could tell the difference. It didn’t magically fix any real life problems but it did relieve me and that crap feeling dissolved. For example, I would close my eyes and do a relaxation exercise. My generic go-to relaxation exercise is offered below. I use this or something similar when I teach yoga classes. Feel free to give it a try if you are interested.

Caveats

This was my experience and it worked for me. It may not work for you. If you have any concerns before trying a relaxation exercise, by all means seek a doctor’s opinion. I have known a small number of people that became unable to deal with the sense of quiet and, unfortunately, it stressed them out even more. Since this is just a blog about my experience and not an actual medical or psychological treatment, please use good judgment.

Meditation

• Sit comfortably with your feet flat on floor or some kind of foot rest, feeling the support under your feet

• Lean your back against the chair and notice how that feels

• Close or gentle your eyes and let any feelings of tightness or strain soften

• Allow your arms and hands to rest on your lap so that you can feel the gentle pressure of the back of your hands, wrists, and forearms resting on your thighs

• Starting at the top of the head, relax your scalp, your skull, and your brain itself

• Soften the muscles of the face, allow the eyes to rest gently in their sockets, allow the tongue to soften, maybe give a gentle rock of the jaw from side to side

• Soften through the throat and neck, relaxing the muscles at the back of the neck where they connect to the skull

• Trace those muscles down into the shoulders and upper back, letting go of extra tension as you go

• Inhale into your shoulders and, as you exhale, allow the shoulders to sink down

• Soften the muscles in the upper chest, belly, hips

• Move next to your back, focusing on the shoulder blades, allowing them to sink down your back, letting go through your mid back, your lower back, paying special attention to any spot that carries any extra tension

• Relax the muscles on either side of the tail bone, through the back of the legs, down the muscles on the top and sides of your upper legs

• Imagine you can soften the tissue of your knees so that your kneecaps feel like they are floating

• Think about the muscles that run down the shins and through your calf muscles, and see if you can release any extra tightness there

• Soften through the ankles, feet, and the toes

• Run a quick scan and soften up any area that still needs it and just breathe the tension away

• Sit in quiet peace for 30 seconds or more

Become aware of any sounds, smells, or noises that are present in your space. Begin to consider making some small, gentle movements. Allow your breath to deepen, and your eyes to gently open and become more aware of your surroundings.

I hope that at least for a short while, your focus on the present will give you a break from your busy mind and give your body some peace.

The Present Moment - Yes, it works!

There are a lot of ways to focus on the present and if I get any interest, I might write on other techniques in future blogs. I don’t know about you, but I feel more relaxed after writing and reading through the exercise, and hope you do, too.

Contact me

Are you interested in seeing if I may be the right therapist for you?* I suggest you check out my website to see if you are picking up what I am putting down. You can request an appointment or call/email to ask for a free 15-minute consultation.

email: Rachel@rachelcsykes.com
phone: 617.804.6471

* I am licensed to work in Massachusetts.