Happy Holidays?

For some families, the December holiday season is a major spiritual and religious celebration.  To others, it is a time to see family, especially children.  Of course, there are some people for whom the holiday season is pretty tough – those with poor relationships with family, no family,  or historical baggage that makes the holiday season an unpleasant experience. Regardless of where you land on this range of experiences, there are ways to increase your chances for a good experience.

Name it

If even the mention of the holidays produces stress, try to just accept it.  Rather than letting the worry and maybe anger hover just below your awareness, why not acknowledge the issue by putting a name to it?  Maybe you are concerned or afraid of seeing a particular family member, and maybe for a good reason.  Maybe you have had unpleasant memories of prior years where upsetting things took place.  Maybe you are dreading being pressured to get married or to have children, and it is ruining the whole experience for you.  Maybe you are somehow responsible for planning and executing the entire holiday from invitations, to shopping, to presents, cooking and then cleaning (I know I wouldn’t be happy about this.) I certainly cannot name every possible reason you might be feeling badly about the holiday season but it is probably better to be informed, as sometimes pushing the discomfort away leads to poor coping.

If you are stressed about seeing your elderly family members, for example, because you fear it might be the last time you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc. with them, maybe it would be healthier to acknowledge it, feel the sad feelings, and then find a way to get the most out of the holiday.  Perhaps you could take photos or videos or just spend extra time with those loved ones so that you can make the best of the time you have.

Family of Choice (not origin)

For some, the idea of spending time with family is either not possible or a bad idea.  If this sounds like you, perhaps you can put thought into plans to spend time with friends or acquaintances.  I realize it may not be quite the same as having a loving and healthy family of origin but when creating your family of choice, you may find that you actually enjoy your holiday. I will also ask my readers to consider if they have friends that do not have a place to celebrate the holidays to consider whether that person could join your family celebration. I realize it is not always possible but, hey, maybe it is.

Set Some Holiday Goals

What do you really want to get out of the holiday season? It doesn’t have to be related to the holidays themselves. What if, instead of trying to have “the perfect” celebration, you instead focused on…

• Time with family

• Meeting a new family member

• Planning and cooking a delicious meal

• Eating a delicious meal

• Taking some time off from work

• Taking a walk every day

• Help others

I know you have heard this suggestion before, so it may sound a little boring.  However, I firmly believe that meaning can be made from time spent helping others.  It not only helps you focus less on your own problems but it empowers you to feel special by helping someone else.  Really. 

Consider giving of yourself by helping those who are less fortunate through a donation of money, holidays gifts, or perhaps time.  Maybe you can volunteer at a local homeless shelter, animal shelter, or other charitable organization. I actually like the idea of volunteering at a local nursing home, as there are many residents who spend their holidays alone and your visit can make a big difference.  Additionally, you may actually be helping more people through volunteering for the holidays – you can help the nursing home residents, for example, but also allow take some of the burden off staff who have to work through the holidays themselves.

 Be Alone but Not Lonely

I don’t want to minimize the sorrow one experiences from loneliness.  However, it may be possible to spend time alone but not be lonely.  Can you drop the expectations to celebrate the holidays just like everyone else?  Please know that many people who post happy family photos to social media are presenting a woefully inaccurate picture of their family life.  If the idea of celebrating the holiday alone feels too hard, perhaps forget the holiday celebration part and spend the day in a way that just feels special to you.  Some ideas include:

• Be creative: Try painting, drawing, or learning an instrument. 

• Take care of yourself: Take a bath, watch a good movie, make yourself a special meal, catch up on needed sleep, stream a yoga class or meditation podcast

• Take a trip: If it is feasible, consider taking a break over the holidays. Perhaps you can spend time at the beach on- or off-season, go to the mountains, or maybe just visit a place you’ve never had the chance to see before. I know people that take a cruise during the holidays and they look forward to it all year.

Minimize Social Comparison

The grass is always greener, right? I enjoy receiving photos from friends and family with lovely photos and news of recent marriages, births and other accomplishments.  However, I try to refrain from believing that everyone else’s lives are better than my own. Limit your time on social media and try not to get bogged down by how others seem to have things better because it’s not always true and allowing yourself to wallow in it does not make things better. If you need to compare, compare this year to a prior year for yourself - try to get more out of your holiday this year!

Questions?

Resources

https://psychcentral.com/health/spending-holidays-alone-coping-tips#creativity