With an amicable divorce, everyone wins.

Rachel Sykes | I Work with Stressed Out Professional Women | Licensed in Massachusetts

Rachel C. Sykes, LMHC, LLC Rachel@rachelcsykes.com rachelcsykes.com

Divorce is Common

Many people view divorce as a failure-a personal failure, a failed relationship, or a failure to succeed to live the picture-perfect life. This is understandable, as most people don’t likely enter into a marriage with the intention of ending things in a divorce or formal separation but statistics show that approximately 50% of all marriages in the U.S. end this way. As a therapist, I am neutral on the idea of divorce. It’s great when a marriage or other relationship remains healthy over time but there are definitely situations where a divorce results in families being happier overall. One challenge faced by those divorcing is having to communicate this news to family, friends, and colleagues.

Senior Manager and Founder of MentalHealthMeToo.org Pam Ford shared her story. “My husband and I have both changed since we first met 20 years ago and ultimately found that we wanted different things out of life. I felt that it was unfair to him to be forced to compromise his happiness for mine, and it would be as equally unfair for me to give up on achieving the goals that are important to me. We have agreed to divorce and are still in the process of doing so. He’s a very good dad to our girls and we are actually both feeling happier already. But it was hard to tell our friends and family. We are still in the process of communicating this, and sometimes it’s hard,” she said.

Pam Ford

Senior Manager and Founder of MentalHealthMeToo.org

Pam Ford explained that she found telling her “parent” friends and acquaintances especially hard. “It’s [the decision to divorce] a personal decision we made for our family but there are times when the subject arises with the parents of our children’s friends,” she explains. She notes that she is worried that these parents might decide to “protect” their own children and end play dates and other interactions between their respective children. Another important group of people with whom she still has to communicate are her children’s teachers. Pam was concerned about their own personal judgements about divorce or their family situation in particular, worried it might impact her children’s success at school. “People sometimes assume the worst and don’t always believe me when I explain that the divorce was actually the best choice and that the entire family is doing well.”

Communication plan

She explained that it was also difficult to tell their children and other family members about their decision to divorce but she had some help. She and her husband worked with a counselor to help them craft an appropriate message. And it worked. Pam credits their willingness to work with a counselor as a key to a successful outcome. “Our counselor helped us talk through our concerns and develop a communication plan with clear boundaries. She also stressed the importance of making sure the narrative is the same from both parents.”

The Workplace

Many times, women suffer from the perception that, as a woman, a divorce is going to require more flexibility and be a distraction from business objectives. Sometimes bosses and colleagues take a paternalistic view such as doubting if the divorcing woman can handle the next step in her career because of her personal life. Certainly, at times, everyone’s personal life has the potential to impact work, especially because many workplaces aren’t flexible enough for the modern family. For example, the recent phenomenon of “return to the office” policies tend to impact those with children. In fact, some consider inflexible in-office requirements to be blatantly discriminatory towards families with divorced parents. For example, for parents with shared custody, a divorce agreement typically mandates that parents facilitate transfer of custody to the other parent at a specific day and time, and parents who are unable to deliver their child as ordered can find themselves in violation of the court-mandated agreement. Furthermore, divorced parents may in fact prefer to keep the details of their divorce and parenting schedules private but may be forced to communicate this information at work in order to be permitted the flexibility they need. Such an employee may be concerned that this type of accommodation may negatively impact their job security and growth opportunities.

Article continued next week…

Contact me

Questions? I suggest you check out my website, request an appointment or call/email to ask for a free 15-minute consultation.

email: Rachel@rachelcsykes.com
phone: 617.804.6471

I am licensed to work in Massachusetts.

References

Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, Lawyers, https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/#:~:text=6.,first%20marriages%20end%20in%20divorce.