My clients rock

Have I ever told you about how awesome my clients are?  Well, probably not, because I can’t really discuss my clients due to the importance of protecting their confidentiality.  I can, however, share that one of the reasons I work with such a specific niche is because I am optimistic about the outcomes for these folks. My clients tend to be able to determine where they have the ability to change things and then do it, as well as the ability to care less about other people’s opinions.  Net-net, these mindset shifts can help.

Many of my clients have somehow found that they are responsible for almost everything in their lives – making sure the kids get to their soccer practice and gymnastics lessons, making sure the house is clean for the houseguests that are visiting over the weekend, caring for their and their spouses’ elderly family members.  Oh, did I mention that they also have highly responsible full-time jobs?  My clients are sometimes a bit embarrassed to admit that they are stuck like this; they think of themselves as an independent professional woman, yet they are 100% the ones who have to clean the gunk out of the kitchen drain.  I am not saying that anyone is too good to perform certain tasks—it’s more that many women have inadvertently bought into the belief that they should be responsible for all family and household responsibilities PLUS have a full-time job outside the home.

Even a good partner can sometimes do better

Sometimes, my clients have understanding and hard-working partners.  Sometimes not.  However, in almost every situation, the wife is responsible for making sure the task gets done, even if it’s her partner who does the actual work. She identifies the problem, proposes the solution, assigns the task, sets the timeline, then monitors to ensure it is completed. Sounds rewarding.  So, it’s as if she not only performs the lion’s share of the work but also has to coax or coordinate the work done by others, including other adults. This role is often reinforced with weak-sounding compliments: “Oh, you are so much better at this kind of stuff than me” or “You know I forget – why don’t you remind me?  I won’t be annoyed”. [Uhh, thanks?] The good news is that good partners won’t be threatened by a discussion about equity. Hopefully, they are willing to make the workload a little more fair and take responsibility for their own actions like the adult that they are.

What’s at play?

Societal expectations

In 2024, while it seems to be more acceptable for women to have their own jobs, even if it is generally for 84 cents on the dollar in the US when compared to men, there is not a corresponding recognition that other responsibilities should be evaluated for prioritization and redistribution. Running a household, caring for children, coordinating family activities and trips, planning for holidays, supporting elderly parents and other family members: this stuff takes a lot of effort!  If we (my husband and I) have a guest at our home and the kitchen, for example, is not pristine (it’s probably not), it is me rather than my husband that is ultimately judged. Right?

Control

Perhaps because of societal and family expectations, some women/wives/partners feel responsible for outward appearances and outcomes.  As such, this may pressure women to “do it myself” rather than have someone else do it to a lesser standard. So, they may choose to take out the trash instead of having the kids take responsibility because the kids might be a little more sloppy about it. TIP: Ask yourself if making such a concession is going to make you more angry. If it is, don’t do it.

Guilt

It’s possible that somewhere, deep inside, there still remains the little child that wants to make other people happy and guilt sets in. These folks really hate making others feel bad and would prefer in the moment to do it themselves but unfortunately, they grow resentful over time.  By asking partners, family, to pitch in or to invest in hiring some professional help if affordable, these guilty and resentful feelings can be mitigated.

Questions?